1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,040 'This programme contains very strong language.' 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,280 Rat duty. Ratageddon. OK. I've got seven job reports to get off to WIS, 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,480 so can we skip the discussion and just slaughter the rodents? 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,200 The disgusting, diseased rodents with their scaly tales. Eugh! 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,400 We're going to shoot us some vermin! 6 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,120 I don't want to. Rats are sweet wee things. 7 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:27,080 Well, how about taking one for the team and just getting on with it. 8 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,800 Nah! I'm not getting involved. Let's just do this. 9 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,120 You go and do your job reports, boss, I've got this. 10 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,080 Unfortunately, I have to supervise because, after the last rat shoot, 11 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,600 you all ended up on the notice board as CQ's Twats of The Week. 12 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,080 That was harsh. You shot up two quad bikes! 13 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,120 The Verminator will not be stopped. Towerblock? 14 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,520 OK! Let's do this. 15 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,160 Whoa! Bit unnecessary! 16 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,040 Let battle commence. I want a combat shotgun. 17 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:55,040 Can we start? I'm not starting unless I've got a combat shotgun. 18 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,480 Towerblock, just give me a combat shotgun. 19 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,520 Borrowing this cost me a packet of Hobnobs. 20 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,880 Oh, my God, it's like running a creche. Start, please, now! 21 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,400 I refuse to shoot a rat. Oh, grow a pair, will you? 22 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,000 Can we have no more interruptions! PLEASE! 23 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,040 Mind if I join? Aa-a-agh! Yes, certainly, sir. 24 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,600 Rats! Exciting. Everyone ready? 25 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,360 No! 26 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,920 He's not in his quarters. Not in the cookhouse. 27 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,800 Comms room? I looked there. Maybe he killed himself. What? 28 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,640 I'm just saying it's a depressing job, he has the means 29 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:41,040 and, let's be honest, we've all... Ah, boss! Good to see you. 30 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,440 Boss, message from WIS. 31 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,080 Where were you? Ammo store. I looked there. 32 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,720 Yes, I was in the other ammo store. 33 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,120 There's another ammo store? 34 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,960 Yeah, well, I mean, I was taking a shit. 35 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,160 You never heard it called the ammo store before? 36 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:57,080 Good name! Does everyone call it that? 37 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,160 Boss. They said it was urgent. 38 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,840 Bloody hell. What is it? 39 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,200 Our bomber got someone. Who? Shit! 40 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,760 Hit a close protection unit in Red Three One. One fatality. 41 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:14,760 Fuck! Secondary in the ICP. Low metal. Same orange wire. 42 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,920 This could have been us. 43 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,440 Shit. What a waste. It could've been Simon. 44 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,920 Bloody hell, Mac! Too much? 45 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,960 Thanks for this, Bird. I'm going to get on with these forensics. 46 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,080 Boss, if you need us... 47 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,720 Post? 48 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,720 Success with the rats? 49 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,600 It was fucking mint. Rat bits everywhere! 50 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,360 Aye. Rocket just stood there like a lemon! 51 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,760 Rats are cute wee things! 52 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,040 Are they fuck. Your mum is a cute wee thing. 53 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,040 Rats are furry and stupid. That's no fair. 54 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:51,960 No. They're vicious little bastards with their evil little pink eyes 55 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,080 and... bleurgh. 56 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,280 Ha-ha! My da's got a new girlfriend. The old dog! 57 00:04:56,280 --> 00:05:00,400 I bet she is. Aye. Probably some rough old tart from Greenock. 58 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,320 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, she's quite pretty, actually. 59 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,320 What do we think, guys? 60 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,320 What the fuck? Give it back! 61 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,880 Is everything all right? 62 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,480 It's Lorna fucking Monroe! 63 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,880 Are you crying? 64 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,400 She was the year above me in high school. 65 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,800 What? Your dad's going out with your high school girlfriend? 66 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,040 Hoh! Hoh! She was never my girlfriend. 67 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,840 I had a photo of her on my bedroom wall. 68 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:33,240 Every day, I'd come home and look at it and I'd tug one off. 69 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:37,000 Oh! Everyone! Look! Look! He's totally crying! 70 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,600 This isn't funny, Simon. 71 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:43,000 Poor wee Mac, weeping like a lassie! 72 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,680 All right, Simon. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. 73 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,200 And especially, fuck you! 74 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,800 Good team work, guys! Supportive. 75 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,600 Good talking down to us, Mary. Annoying. 76 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,040 Oh. Hello, sir. 77 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,800 Nick. So, you've discovered my little sun trap. 78 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,720 Your little... It's just when I came up, there was 79 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,120 nothing and now there are... Tulips? 80 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,040 Yeah, I was just hoping this would be a handy little corner 81 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,760 to get away from my team, you know? 82 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,600 If you'd like me to water those for you so you can get on with... 83 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,920 No. Rather enjoy giving my girls a shower. Relaxing. 84 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:35,680 Yeah, it's just I really wanted to get this forensic profile done. 85 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:41,080 In the quiet. You find tulips noisy? 86 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,720 How eccentric! No, I mean... 87 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,720 Anyway, would you mind looking after my chair? 88 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,840 I need to visit the ammo store. 89 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,640 Your chair? If you wouldn't mind. 90 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,680 Eh... Mac, I've got something to show you. 91 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,160 Is he still in a mood about Lorna? 92 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,200 She's no longer the girl I fell in love with, 93 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,360 and I have to accept that. 94 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,280 It's that arsehole, Simon. 95 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,400 I've got something that'll cheer you up. 96 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,600 You've killed him? No. 97 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,640 Won't cheer me up, then. 98 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,600 What's this thing? Nothing. 99 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,560 Show me, or I'll take a dump in your doss bag. 100 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,120 OK. 101 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,560 So what is it, then? Sh! 102 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,640 Sweet! 103 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,760 No! I saved it! As a pet. 104 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,720 He's called Smokey. 105 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,440 A pet? Hang on, didn't you have a cat called Smokey? Aye. 106 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,160 We called him that, cos me and my brother tried to make him smoke. 107 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,560 You know, for the internet. 108 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,640 Oh, whatever. You're going to need a cage. 109 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,440 No. Animals should be allowed to roam free. 110 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,080 And to smoke, apparently. 111 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,960 I suppose it would be a nice cage. 112 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,160 With a play area and a water feature. 113 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:29,960 Come on, then. 114 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,080 Just thought this would be easier. 115 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,480 It doesn't look easier. 116 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,840 MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY 117 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,160 We could teach him to beg! 118 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,320 When we had a dog, we tried to teach him how to beg. 119 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:30,720 Let me guess what the dog was called. Smokey? You knew him? 120 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:35,440 A lucky guess. How did you teach him to beg? 121 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,880 We just didnae feed him. But he never learnt. 122 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,760 Or he was too proud. And then he died. 123 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,400 Oi, you two, we've got... Aa-a-argh! Shit! 124 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,920 No! He's a pet. 125 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,520 A pet? Eugh! How can you? 126 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:56,920 With its scaly tail and tiny fucking hands. 127 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,640 I never thought you'd be afraid of rats. 128 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,680 I'm not! 129 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,560 You so are! No, I'm not. And we've got a shout on. 130 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,960 Move your arse! 131 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,360 You can't see anything with this shitty little drone. 132 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,920 I think it's cool. Give us a go. 133 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:24,640 Seriously? It's basically a kite with a webcam. 134 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,160 You want the Reaper drone? 135 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,200 Oh, Achmed! Ah! 136 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,840 I can make some calls. No, it's too low. Take it higher. 137 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,840 Oh, are you worried you'll see a rat? Fuck off, Towerblock! 138 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,280 It's all right. Loads of girls are scared of rats. 139 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,840 Yeah! You've really worked me out. Girly Bird. 140 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,040 Scared of rats. Your words, not mine. 141 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,040 I will shove that controller up your tiny... 142 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,840 Children! Will you please...? Boss, I don't like these atmospherics. 143 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,800 This terrain is ambush heaven. 144 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,760 Good. Working! Thank you. 145 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,440 So if anyone sees anything, anything, I want to know about it. 146 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,640 Towerblock? 147 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:12,000 There's a rock formation shaped like a cock and balls. 148 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:16,120 For fuck's sake, Corporal! I'm trying to... Yeah! Nice one. 149 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,160 Right, I'm going down there. Boss on the move! 150 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,920 The girl he once loved. In the arms of his father. 151 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,840 The father he once loved. 152 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,000 In the girl he once loved. 153 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,360 Sorry, sorry, shouldn't mock. You might cry again. 154 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,520 I'm no' going to cry. What again? 155 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:44,960 Oh, Rocket. Skip? 156 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,760 Could you fetch him a couple of Kleenexes? 157 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,320 One for when he wanks over Lorna, 158 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,400 and one for when he cries about it afterwards. 159 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,160 Fucking leave it out, skip! 160 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,760 Too much? Eh? Oh! 161 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:02,640 Just tell me you've slipped up. One fingerprint. 162 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,120 That's all I need. 163 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:11,560 Boss? Boss! Boss! 164 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,720 Two groups of fighting age males approaching from the west, boss. 165 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,240 Sounds a bit warry. How long? Eight to 12 minutes. 166 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,720 Shit! Towerblock, get the hook and line. Now. 167 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,480 Seriously, boss, in eight minutes? 168 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,480 Seriously, I would have had a lot longer to do this than eight minutes 169 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,840 if you two hadn't been pissing about with your kite. 170 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,560 Now will you let me get this thing out off the ground and maybe 171 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:39,000 we can nail the fucker that killed one of our guys yesterday. 172 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,080 Do it! 173 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,480 How long? Five to seven. 174 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,160 Maybe eight if they stop to admire the cock and balls. 175 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,280 Hook and line, boss? No, there's no time. 176 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,400 I'll get whatever there is out off the ground. 177 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,840 Get us a couple of evidence bags. 178 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,800 Eyes on. Three to five minutes, boss 179 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,840 Roger that. 180 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,040 Got it. Let's go. 181 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:25,320 Well done, team. Good work, everyone. 182 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:32,240 MUSIC PLAYS 183 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,880 COFFEE MAKER HISSES 184 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:10,480 Sir? Nick. Sir, there's this persistent noise that... 185 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,560 Espresso! Wow! 186 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,480 Thought you'd be more surprised by the pizza oven. 187 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,040 Hello? Padre. 188 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,800 Mac. Is everything OK? 189 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,560 I know you've been getting a bit of stick off your team. 190 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:39,800 Aye. Especially Simon. Jesus, that guy is a cunt. 191 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:44,200 Oh, sorry, ma'am. Didn't mean to say Jesus. 192 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:46,760 That's all right. 193 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,120 Well, in Matthew's gospel, Jesus says, 194 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,600 "Why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother's eye 195 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,560 "when you have a plank in your own?" 196 00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:01,960 Ah, right, got ya. You're saying Simon's a plank? 197 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,120 No, I... You're saying I'm a plank? No, I'm... 198 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,040 Look, who's the plank in this scenario? 199 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,800 I'm saying you're a hypocrite! Sorry, it's just that 200 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:13,240 if you stopped ripping the piss out of everyone the whole time, 201 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,800 or even said sorry once in a while, they'd be easier on you! 202 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,720 So, I'm a plank. Fair enough. 203 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,480 Doesn't mean Simon's not a cunt. 204 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:25,800 Mmm. Leave it with me. 205 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,720 Any second now, Bird's going to shit herself like my one-year-old 206 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:34,760 after a bhuna. 207 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,720 Are you sure Smokey'll be all right in there? 208 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:42,000 Smokey will enjoy it. He's playing a trick on Bird. 209 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,160 I dunno. Rats have got a great sense of humour. 210 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,200 Knock, knock? 211 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,480 Is everything all right? 212 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,720 Where is he? Hmmm? Smokey?! 213 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,640 What the fuck are you two playing at? 214 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,800 We put the rat in your tent to shit you up. 215 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,040 Right. Well, I am going to... Aa-a-agh! Smokey! 216 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,000 What! Thought that was... 217 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,520 Not scared, just surprised. 218 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:21,240 Shite! We've got to find him! 219 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,040 Too late, mate. If he's seen outside, he'll be toast. 220 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,720 Thank fuck! What? No! 221 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,880 I never even taught him to smoke! Oh, come on, Rocket. 222 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,400 He's my pet and you lost him! 223 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,680 All right, we'll help you find him. We? Yeah. 224 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,400 We, cos we're all team players. Fuck off! 225 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,320 You can fly the drone. Fuck on. 226 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,160 Mac, I want to apologise. 227 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,280 Those things I said earlier... 228 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,920 Out of line. Aye. 229 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,400 I want to help you. So if you want to talk. 230 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,480 I know the trials of the heart are painful. 231 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:11,200 When Charlotte and I broke up, I'll be honest, I did shed a tear. 232 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,320 Aye. I remember. 233 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,560 I was with Charlotte for 14 years. 234 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,320 It would be weird if I hadn't cried. 235 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:27,320 So I understand... OK. Rewind. 14 years? 236 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,560 Serious? Yes. 237 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:33,720 So, Charlotte is the only woman you've ever slept with?! 238 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,320 Well, yes. 239 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,520 What? You're practically a virgin!! 240 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:46,520 No, because I slept with her a lot. Many, many times. 241 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,880 Well, once a week. Depending. 242 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,560 This is class. Simon, the virgin. 243 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:57,440 I was trying to be nice! Well, fuck you, Mac. 244 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,360 HE LAUGHS 245 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:08,280 Smokey. 246 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:16,520 Smokey. Smokey. Are you really going to be able to see Smokey with that? 247 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,080 No, but if she didn't get to use it, 248 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,240 she wouldn't have helped, being scared of rats and all. 249 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,000 Do you need this much height for pizza? 250 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,640 No. But you do if you also want to roast a chicken. 251 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:34,680 Nice. Very interesting dish, pizza. It's all about harmony. 252 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,640 Different ingredients working together. 253 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,480 A sort of culinary team, if you will. 254 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:45,040 Sir. And each of those ingredients vastly diminished on its own. 255 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:48,480 Like I always say, there's no 'I' in pizza. Erm... 256 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,960 Shit. They've spotted us. 257 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,840 Pair of bloody Ruperts with their own little private club. 258 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,000 But what about the rat? 259 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,320 Here he comes now. 260 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,640 Ah! Nick team player Medhurst. 261 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,160 That's my name. But with an insult in the middle. 262 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,760 Got a little VIP area, have you? 263 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,480 Just trying to get a bit of headspace so I can build up 264 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:18,960 a profile of this bomber. 265 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,840 Oh! And your team can't help you with that? 266 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,280 PHONE RINGS 267 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:29,680 Yep. Yep, OK. 268 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,360 Three devices a few hundred yards apart. 269 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:35,080 And there's a convoy coming through at 0900, so we need to move. 270 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:41,440 OK. Come on, then. Or have you got your own private bomb to defuse? 271 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,720 MUSIC PLAYS 272 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,600 OK, Towerblock, I want to get 273 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,520 all these devices out intact before the light goes. 274 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,800 Get the hook and line ready. Yes, boss. 275 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,480 So, Simon's a virgin? 276 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:13,040 Basically, aye. No. I have had sex many times with Charlotte. 277 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:18,120 We must have done it 600 times. Probably less than that. But, anyway. 278 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,200 See? Virgin. 279 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,240 Eyes on. 280 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,440 Hello, device number one. 281 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,560 I shall be your ATO for the afternoon. 282 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,240 How long's he been down there? 90 minutes and counting. 283 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,920 Shit. OK, Towerblock, I think I've got all of the first device. 284 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,360 We'll hook and line it, then I'll go back for the other two. 285 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,320 Sunset's in half an hour, boss. 286 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,160 Maybe one's enough. 287 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,720 We'll blow the other two. 288 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:10,400 Working in the dark, or camping out. It's too dangerous. 289 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,840 You're my team, so I look after you. 290 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:17,840 No, boss. We're your team, we look after you. 291 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,920 You sure? Personally, nah. 292 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,880 But I signed a contract to look after some lanky posh twat. 293 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,040 So, might as well. 294 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,280 Yep. We can mitigate threats. I'll talk to the platoon commander. 295 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,760 If I don't have to go home to Mrs Faruq, that's good for me. 296 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,280 Happy to do it, boss. 297 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:39,880 No, sorry, I have got to get back to find Smokey. 298 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,200 OK, we'll camp out, and start up again at 0500, 299 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,640 that'll give me time before the convoy comes through. 300 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,360 Crack on. 301 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,160 MUSIC PLAYS 302 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:12,400 This makes a nice change, eh? Comrades together. Out here. 303 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:13,920 Sleeping under the stars. 304 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,240 Oh, look! Shooting star. Make a wish. 305 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,760 SOUNDS OF GUNFIRE 306 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,520 Oh, shit! 307 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,880 Which dickwad wished for that? 308 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:26,920 Jesus! 309 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:32,640 Boss, I want you, Bird and Towerblock in cover. 310 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:36,160 I'm here, I can... Boss, you do the bombs, we do this. 311 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,400 Copy that. 312 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,600 Three hostiles approaching along tree line. 313 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,680 200m. 150m. 314 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,320 Think I've got one skip. Yep! 315 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:09,080 No. 100 metres. Fix bayonets. 316 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,920 Serious? Yep! Let's go and find them. 317 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:32,360 God, I'm knackered. Never slept all night in a Mastiff before. 318 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:34,920 I'd say the same, if I'd actually got any sleep. 319 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,160 I'm sorry, lads, I know it was a rough night for you. 320 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:46,920 You could say that. It was pretty full-on, wasn't it? 321 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:47,960 Fucking was. Aye. 322 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,600 I was shitting myself. 323 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:55,960 The whole time I was thinking, if I die, who'll look after Smokey? 324 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:58,440 Right, that's number three. Let's go home. 325 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:03,000 MUSIC PLAYS 326 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,840 Has Medhurst disappeared again? Don't believe this. 327 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:18,760 After all that, he's gone off to his bloody officer's mess! 328 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,280 We need to find my pet. Argh! Come on, Bird! 329 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,920 You know what? No. OK, I'm afraid of rats. 330 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:27,880 You want to know why? 331 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:33,440 When I was seven, we lived in this really old house. 332 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,480 And every night, I would hear this scratching sound. 333 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,120 Yeah? 334 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:46,600 So, one night, I got up. The house was completely silent. 335 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:52,360 I went downstairs, and there across the hallway, 336 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:56,360 were these tiny, bloody footprints. 337 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:57,400 Shit! 338 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,720 So, I went into the kitchen. 339 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:05,000 And there, in front of me, dripping with blood... 340 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,760 A KITTEN! 341 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,760 So, yeah, I'm afraid of rats. But you're afraid of kittens. 342 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,040 So, I win. 343 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,720 Guys, I got these for you. 344 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,320 An invitation? 345 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:21,680 9:30 on the rooftop terrace for brunch. 346 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,440 We've got an hour to find Smokey. I lost my rat. 347 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,880 Aye, and Simon lost his virginity Oh, no, wait a minute. 348 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:33,760 He hasn't. Charlotte and I did it a lot. Loads. 349 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:38,840 In both positions. Mac. Maybe this is the time to say sorry. 350 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,920 Just clear the air with Simon and the rest of your team. 351 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,200 OK. OK. 352 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,080 Bluestone 42, 353 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,680 I'd like to apologise to each of yous for all my piss taking. 354 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,640 Simon. 355 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:59,680 You're a huge prick, but it's wrong of me to repeatedly point that out. 356 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,880 Rocket. 357 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,240 I'm sorry I keep saying I fancy your mum, 358 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,320 but she is super fucking hot and I definitely would. 359 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,680 Away tae fuck. Mac, that's probably... 360 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,400 No, no. You were right, padre, this feels brilliant. 361 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,360 Towerblock... Well, this should be good. 362 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:18,320 You blether on about being from the North, but at the end of the day, 363 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,800 you're still an English poof, but that's OK, because I accept that. 364 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,480 Bird... 365 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,880 Mac, I think I speak for the whole team here when I... 366 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:31,320 Oh! Towerblock! 367 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:35,520 Come on, guys! 368 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,040 Nice work, padre. 369 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,120 I presume this is some sort of team building exercise? 370 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:45,880 Looks done to a turn. 371 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:52,200 Ah, guests. Here we are. This is a Gucci wee spot. 372 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:56,480 And today it's even better, because we have English breakfast pizza! 373 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,040 Awesome. Also, chicken pizza. 374 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:04,120 Holy shit. I wanted to say thank you. 375 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:07,360 I'm glad to be part of such a brilliant team. 376 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:10,040 After all, there's no 'I' in Pizza. 377 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,720 Corporal House, you did say you killed all the rats, didn't you? 378 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,880 I think so, sir. Then who's this little chap? 379 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,440 Smokey! 380 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:20,800 NO! 381 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,920 Nobody messes with my tulips. 382 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,400 You was the best friend I ever had! 383 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,280 Look, Rocket, pizza. 384 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,240 Ooh! Brilliant! Breakfast! 385 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,720 Boss, I'm sorry I gave you a hard time over this secret place. 386 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,000 It's not bad, is it? 387 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,080 Yeah. Don't know why there's that danger keep out sign downstairs. 388 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,880 No. I don't know why no-one was using it. I reckon we could... 389 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,360 GUNFIRE 390 00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:49,720 That's why. There it is! 391 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:54,800 My girls!